Television is the great equalizer, or so they say. Sprawled out on a couch in the same clothes as yesterday, bathed in its sedating glow, there's nothing separating the greatest king from the worst
stand-up comedian, the highest trapeze artist from the lowest of limbo perfomers. TV makes believers out of all of us and celebrities out of a much smaller percentage of us. It offers us entertainment of every kind but the non-TV kind, enough inspirational stuff to choke a saint, fair and balanced journalism (sensationalized murder trials and celebrity gossip!), and Antiques Roadshow. We are drawn to it like moths to moth food, whatever it is that moths eat. I'm thinking it's mothballs, but I've never found any at my local pet store.
However, when wandering through the vast, uncharted forest of channels, it's easy to get lost, tangled in the underbrush, and pricked by the thistle bushes of bad television. Without a map to guide your way, you might find yourself watching reality TV, or Nancy Grace, or that episode of Scooby Doo where the monster really was a monster, and it murdered everyone but Daphne, and she ended up in a psych ward gibbering about Scooby Snacks. It's possible that that last one is just an urban legend, but if it isn't, you'll be the first to know.
This is where Televised Bucketry comes in. I'll work to uncover the news that no one else has the guts, the interest, or the lack of dignity to bother with. I'll tell you what to watch and what not to watch so that you don't have to make those pesky decisions for yourselves. Stop by anytime. I probably won't be here, but I'll leave a light on for you, anyway, and a bowl of mothballs by the front door in case you have pet moths.
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